Paper Fruit

I’ve got a story in this:

So pretty, no? It’s the companion to Historical Lovecraft, natch. It’s also 20% off right now, until December 4th, for the pre-sale, so if you’re looking for a gift for that someone special, now’s the time to jump on this beast. It’s got stories by me, Nick Mamatas, Jesse Bullington, E. Catherine Tobler, Orrin Grey … you know, the usual suspects. Here’s the ToC and the Introduction, if you need more convincing.

Mine’s called “Go, Go, Go, Said The Byakhee” and it’s nowhere near as long as the Ivybridge Twins in Historical Lovecraft, so don’t worry! Also there’s no byakhee. Ha! It’s my, um, homage I guess to Sonya Dorman’s “Go, Go, Go, Said The Bird” which I read many years ago as a sophomore in college.

Ah, and look! It’s Cyber-Monday so you can support a small online business by pre-ordering.

We take Thanksgiving seriously around these parts. This year was no exception. Behold:

Clockwise from the top: John’s tofurkey (recipe was my dad’s for perpetually perfect tofurkeys), garlic mash n’ gravy courtesy Jesse, whole berry cranberry from the can, because I like it better than anything I make myself, off-brand vegan crescent roll, mac n’ cheeze, garlicy roasted brussels sprouts, and enshrined in the center, Raechel’s stuffing, from her grandma’s recipe.

Everything was even better than it looks here, which, woah.

We also had pie. I didn’t get a picture of Raechel’s pumpkin cheezecake, regrettably, but here’s my motherfucking deep dish apple pie (second picture has my salted caramel ice cream on top, because, well, you only live once:

The next day we went on a 10+ mile hike up in the high country, in one of my favorite areas we’ve hiked in, the Hall Ranch Preserve behind Lyons. It’s so beautiful, and I wish I had more pictures! But here’s me, looking sort of perplexed:

And then, at the midpoint, I ate one of my finest Frankenstein creations of all time: EPIC LEFTOVER SANDWICH!

I hollowed out the end of a ciabatta, and stuffed it with thinly sliced leftover tofurkey, fresh spinach, some leftover sprouts, gravy, mac n’ cheez, gravy, and cranberry sauce. YES! Also vegenaise and Sierra Nevada Porter mustard on the bread, in case you ever want to reproduce this magnificent creation.

All right! Tomorrow: back to reality. Oh and also, Future Lovecraft is available for pre-order! You should definitely buy it for someone this Christmas because that book is awessssssommmmme.

Thanksgiving is always awesome here in Boulder. Between Raechel and Jesse/John and myself, we loaf around, watch movies, make too much food, and it’s always amazing. The menu this year, for example, is Tofurkey, stuffing, garlic mash & gravy, brussels sprouts, cranberry sauce (from the can, what), deep dish apple pie, and I think a pumpkin cheesecake. What.

I love Thanksgiving flavors too much to confine them just to the Big Day, though, and last week I wanted to do a Thanksgiving Warm-Up for dinner without spending too much money or time in the kitchen. The answer? Thanksgiving Cheatballs. Made with Gimmie Lean, veggies, and whole wheat breadcrumbs, each cheatball has over 8g of protein and is only 108 calories. And just look how delicious:

Pictured here with the Polenta Stuffing and the Silky Chickpea Gravy from Appetite for Reduction.

Here’s the recipe! Perfect for a weeknight where you want Thankgsiving in miniature, or as a main dish on T-day when you’re burned out on too much Tofurkey!

The end of October and the first weeks of November have been very busy what with turning 30, signing my first book deal, finishing up a major goddamn project that ate my life for a year (huz-fucking-zah), and whatever else has been occupying my time. Jesus Christ, it’s Thanksgiving next week! (Or, rather, “Thanksliving,” as Article 10, Section 2 of the Vegan Code mandates I call it: “Vegans shall be required to rename and/or feminize any and all foods associated with meat or meat-consumption, e.g. “Thanksliving” “shepherdess Pie” “cheatballs” “pepperfauxni”, etc.”)

But seriously, it’s been a good few weeks. My dad was just approved to be part of an experimental study for pancreatic cancer patients, which means he’s off of traditional chemotherapy and taking a combination of pills to combat the tumors. Also, he turned 64 today. (My mother says this answers the eternal question of “Will you still feed me/will you still need me/when I’m 64, because she is adorable.)

Additionally, I had a rockin’ Big 30 Birthday. My homeslice Brad and his ladyfriend Suzanne came to visit, and we went hiking, ate too much food, and had a big old Halloween party. Pics!

Here’s me at the Halloween Party as Han Solo. Who’s scruffy-looking?

Raech as a vampire hunter:

John and Jesse as 24 and 21 from The Venture Brothers:

Brad as one of the dudes from this awesome OK Go music video, and Suzanne as the girl with the dragon tattoo:

aaaaaand the punch I made that gave Jesse one of the most hilariously awful hangovers I’ve ever witnessed. Recipe here!

The next night, at the 30th Birthday Bash, me and John:

Jesse and Raech:

aaaaaand me getting all red-faced and teary-eyed upon being given the complete Jem and the Holograms DVD box set:

Woo! So yeah, good times. I’m excited for upcoming things too, like eating too much and going on a long hike next week, starting a new fitness regimen (with part of a birthday windfall I purchased a new program from Sandra, who guided me through her Virtual Boot Camp), and, I dunno, some other stuff.

Oh shit, I almost forgot! I got tattooed for my 30th b-day! Here’s a picture of the tattoo, and also part of my right boob:

Soon: a recipe for delicious Thanksgiving-flavored Cheatballs!

I am extremely pleased to announce next year will see the publication of my debut book, A PRETTY MOUTH.

Cameron C. Pierce, editor of LFP (a division of Eraserhead) and author of several novels, including Lost in Cat Brain Land, Ass Goblins of Auschwitz, and Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom, is as awesome as tater tots. He and I had worked together briefly when he guest edited The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction #5, in which he reprinted my article about zombie klezmer band The Widow’s Bane. I thought he was incredibly talented, friendly, and fun to work with.

A few months back, he was also kind enough to read my humble account of the wretched Calipash family that was recently reprinted in The Book of Cthulhu, “The Infernal History of the Ivybridge Twins.” He contacted me and asked if I had ever considered writing more stories about the Twins, as he felt his imprint would be an excellent venue for such a project.

Indeed, I had considered writing more—much more. But what I had to confess straightaway to Cameron was that “The Infernal History” was, regrettably, not entirely fiction. As I told him, the truth of the matter is that due to a series of strange circumstances, I alone possess the records chronicling the Calipash family’s dark and disturbing lineage. With “The Infernal History” I had tried to write a more elegant account of their crimes than the dry history bequeathed to me, as I thought the story might hold some small interest for the general public.

As I had done my Master’s degree on 18th century British literature and culture, I thought the events of “The Infernal History” would be the best place to begin documenting the unfortunate times when the loathsome family’s ancient curse induced the birth of sets of demoniacal twins, much to the displeasure of all who came into contact with them. Given the record’s reception, I believe I was correct in this assumption—and furthermore, I am deeply pleased (and indebted to Cameron) to now be able to bring more of this family’s unusual history to light.

A PRETTY MOUTH will feature an exclusive account of the incident where the 2nd Earl of Rochester, John Wilmot, encountered the Ivybridge family whilst he was still in school at Wadham College, Oxford, as well as four other vignettes, including the original “The Infernal History of the Ivybridge Twins.” The narratives I have agreed to recount are as follows:

“A Pretty Mouth”
“The Infernal History of the Ivybridge Twins”
“Hour of the Tortoise”
“The Marine Vivarium of Gabriel Prideaux”
“Damnatio Memoriae”

A PRETTY MOUTH will be available in the Fall of 2012.

There’s a really neat interview with Ross Lockhart, the fine gentleman who edited The Book of Cthulhu, up on Omnivoracious! Go check it out.

These semi-confessional accounts of horror, terror, and the unknown inspired by Lovecraft are…. oddly inspirational and life-affirming. It’s not just that nothing really makes you appreciate Something like life more than being chased by some oozy Shadowy Nothing through a dark forest strewn with odd ruins. A deeper impulse seemed at work, too, in many, many of the stories. Why, there was even what appeared to be useful advice for the modern reader!

Could it be that the lessons taught by Lovecraft were less mechanistic and existential, less hideous and ritualistic, than I had thought? I had to get to the bottom of this strange phenomenon—by interviewing the editor…

Fun times! Thanks to Jeff VanderMeer, and to Ross, of course!.

I forgot when I promised more MoFo posting that MileHiCon was this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so my MoFoExtravaganza will be next week. So anyways, yes I will be at MileHiCon, hanging out, entering the costume contest, being on panels, and doing a reading. Here’s a brief rundown of what I’m doing (aka where I will definitely be; I’ll be “around” for the whole thing:

Friday at 3: I’ll be on the “Shifting POV” panel in Chasm Creek B

Friday at 4: Jesse’s doing a reading in Wind River B

Saturday at 3: I’m on the panel “The Future of the Short Story” in Mesa Verde A (so I need to go figure out the future of the short story—brb).

Sunday at 3: I’m on the panel “Suspension of Disbelief” in Mesa Verde A

Sunday at 4: I’ll be doing a reading from “The Infernal History of the Ivybridge Twins” in Mesa Verde C

Otherwise, I dunno. I am going to wear my costume Saturday night and maybe enter the contest, there’s some sort of Dark Wizard’s Ball, and also a Bat’leth tournament. I’d like to see wtf that is, for sure!

I know I’m behind on VeganMoFo posting, but first I need to mention that an older and much-beloved story of mine, “How John Wilmot Contracted Syphilis,” is now up on Lacuna: A Journal of Historical Fiction. There’s also a brief Q&A with me on writing historical fiction, whereupon I make reference to how this piece grew out of a failed novel project. Said novel project involved time travel, S&M, famous dogs from Greek mythology, and John Wilmot, Aphra Behn, and Bathsua Makin teaming up to fight an anti-Royalist demon. It, unsurprisingly, never really came together. I wrote this story as an exercise and ended up liking it more than the book, though, so it all worked out in the end!

Lacuna is edited by Megan Arkenberg, who was one of my favorite writers even before she accepted my story for publication, so I was seriously honored when she took this piece for her ‘zine. You can check out some of her work at Fantasy Magazine: Recently, we published her “Lessons from a Clockwork Queen” and way back in February we put up one of my very favorite short stories we’ve ever published at Fantasy over the years, ever, “The Celebrated Carousel of the Margravine of Blois.” That story is pretty much the best thing ever. When I think of writers who inspire me, Megan’s at the top of the list!

But! Enough about me. Here’s today’s VeganMoFo Post: Thoughts on Delicious Sandwiches:

Sandwiches are one of my favorite things to eat. They’re so versatile, so easy to reinvent endlessly, so wonderful when paired with sides. They can be fancy or plain, traditional or unique, easy or complex. Always delicious!

The sandwich above, for example, is just the Chili-Lime Tofu from Appetite for Reduction (buy the book! But the tofus above are basically slices of tofu (not pressed), coated in a mixture of lime zest, chili powder, salt, minced garlic and baked until tender and tasty) on a baguette with low-fat vegenaise and an easy slaw I made out of bagged tri-color slaw, dressed with more vegenaise, lime juice, salt, pepper, a little chili power and thinned out with a tablespoon of soymilk. The side pictured is cubed kabocha squash tossed with more chili powder and salt, then roasted until crunchy. Spray it every once in a while with cooking spray to get that crunch! So good. It’s like southern

But other sandwiches I love include the Vietnamese French Dip from Veganomicon, po’boys made from tofus coated in cornmeal and oven-baked, and always the easy-peasy “dump bbq sauce on tofu or seitan, put on a bun with some slaw, and devour.” So good! You can make most famous sandwiches vegan, too, I’ve done awesome Philly Cheesesteaks (watch out—cats love to steal those!), Arby’s-style cheddar-sauce coated roast beef (Raech made those, actually), and I dunno, a million other things.

Woo! OK, so “Sandwiches” isn’t the most inspired MoFo post, but on Wednesday I plan (if all goes well with dinner tonight) to talk about calorie counting, cooking take-out style food for one, and what a healthy day looks like for an active semi-athletic vegan. Maybe not that much more interesting, but I’m trying here! Next week will be more inspired, likely, as I’m co-hosting a Halloween party, turning 30, and having some dear friends coming into town to celebrate several exciting things, and thus will be eating probably ten billion pounds of interesting foods!

Also, next Monday I’ll be announcing something so exciting I can’t even. Woo!

Decided to have a feast tonight. Now I am too full. Too full even to blog. Pictures!

First course: vegan calamaris with spicy garlic marinara and garlic-lemon, um, maybe it’s called aioli?:

Next, we had pesto fettucini and garlic bread. Pesto recipe is from Vegan with a Vengeance. Check out the classy-as-fuck napkins and napkin rings I busted out for the occasion (thanks, Mom!):

Later tonight we’re going to get down on champagne and some chocolate, but I’m already too drunk to be blogging. Use your imagination, suckers!

Super-proud of today’s entry for VeganMoFo: The Vegan Month of Food!

For whatever reason this year I’ve really been on a pumpkin kick, so when I woke up on Saturday and the weather was a gross-out of cold rain and chill wind, I made some pumpkin scones.

The scones were just the basic scone recipe from Vegan with a Vengeance, but with a 1:1 swap of pumpkin puree for the oil, and 2 tbs of flax seed meal added to the dough. Then I spiced it up with some cinnamon and nutmeg and other cold-weather “sweetening spices,” put some brown sugar on top, and baked them. Super good! They’re not too sweet, and completely perfect on a wet morning with a cup of tea. Also, they are a mere 115 calories apiece!

But that left me with a partial can of pumpkin, so I decided to go nuts and make some pumpkin ice cream. OH GOD. Let’s today start with the picture, mmkay?

 (pictured here with some of raechel’s spice cake)

Uh, yeah. It was delicious. Maybe my second favorite flavor after the salted caramel I made a while back! So here’s the recipe. Sadly, you do need an ice cream maker unless you’re one of those folks who will do all that stuff to make ice cream without one.

Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream

1 c soy creamer (the plain kind)

2 c soy milk (or your favorite nondairy milk, hazelnut would likely be delicious!)

1 c brown sugar

1 c pumpkin puree (I used canned, but go ‘head and make fresh!)

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. ground ginger

1/4. tsp. mace

1/4 tsp. nutmeg (fresh ground is best)

1/4 c room temperature vegan cream cheese

1 tbs. cornstarch

3 graham crackers, broken into chocolate-chip sized chunks

To make the base: Reserve 1/4 cup soymilk, whisk together with cornstarch. Set aside. Beat together the cream cheese, sugar, and spices until it forms a runny-but-goopusy texture. I just used a fork to do this. You want to make sure to do this step because sometimes the cream cheese will form lumps in your base if you just add it straight; incorporating it with the sugar provides a smoother finished product.

In a medium sauce pot on medium heat, combine the goopus and pumpkin with a whisk, and then keep whisking as you pour in your soy milk/soy creamer mixture. Keep beating the mixture until it’s rich and golden and vaguely frothy. When it starts to steam, add your cornstarch slurry (keep whisking!). Let this come to a simmer and simmer it for maybe 5 minutes, until you can’t taste cornstarch any more.

Then transfer it to a bowl and let it cool on the counter and then let it chill–completely–in the fridge. Then add it to your ice cream maker as per manufacturer’s instructions. When mostly frozen, add in the graham cracker bits so they can incorporate. Then pack it into a tupperware and let it harden in the freezer for a few hours. Voila!