All cliches about raining and pouring aside, things have been busy for me. I’m in the process of expanding my duties at Fantasy Magazine, which is very exciting, and there are a few other things in the works, as they say. That said, between World Fantasy, San Francisco, coming home to a whole new and different kettle of stuff to do, and getting back on a normal sleeping/eating/exercising (ok maybe not the last part) schedule, I’ve had little time peaceful enough to write. That’s OK, but for me, spending time apart from my writing is often detrimental– I start thinking about everything I have yet to do with the project and become anxious about even opening the file on my desktop lest all the outstanding issues in my text leap upon me like ravenous onis intent on upon my soul.
If worrying were a viable career option, I would be on the cover of Fortune. I’ve been taking steps to combat my insecurities regarding my writing, my editing, my career goals, etc., but I think most helpful was the realization I had yesterday that I would be infinitely farther along in my book if I spent the time writing that I usually spend being anxious if what I’m writing is any good at all. I need to be OK with the notion of having a first draft– usually when I write a section of a short story or a chapter I edit it over and over again before moving on, even though I know, I KNOW, that I will have to re-write no matter how long I spend on any given thing, because that’s the way it goes.
So tomorrow, even though I must interrupt my day with an exciting visit to the Mac store to replace a busted USB hub, I am resolving to write. Every time I start worrying or wondering if my output is quality, I will repeat this: “writers write, everyone else talks.” It’s a version of something my friend Selena told me once. Here’s to being proactive about combatting our neuroses! And I’m sure I will be unhappy when I return to said passages in the book, but the time to fix such things are after I have everything down and organized, not during, because that just eats up my time. We’ll see how it goes.